Before Death Comes
by Dariyax
Summary: Rated T for violence. All is at peace in Alagaesia as never before... things change when unexpected events start to occur. This is a joke. If you have any humor, you will have a laugh or two. My friend and I wrote this. You don't know how bored we were.
1. Chapter 1

One day in Alagaesia, the ruler over Alagaesia, Galbatorix, decided to host a party. This was not any party, for Galbatorix himself was going to invite particularly a certain group of people. People he had hatred for so intently, that he wished to destroy them. Why would he do that, you say? Because today, was an exception. Today, was Galbatorix's birthday.  
So there he was, resting on his throne, writing 10 certain letters. He was going to invite his enemies. Although everyone is his enemy, he was inviting his most hated; Eragon, Arya, Roran & Katrina, Nasuada, Elva, Orrin, Orik, Queen Islanzadi, and Sloan. But of course, Murtagh and his dragon, Thorn; and Galbatorix's own dragon, Shruikan, would attend.  
When he had finished writing all the letters, (Including an unnamed one so that Murtagh could invite one of his own friends) he personally told Murtagh and Thorn to see to that every invitation would be delivered safely.

Murtagh immediately set out with Thorn to deliver the invitations. Upon reaching the Varden, Eragon flies up on Sapphira to meet him. Before Eragon could accuse him of anything, Murtagh shouts out, "I come in peace, brother.I bring invitations to a party of the most glorious kind!" They both land together, & Eragon jumping off Sapphira, who was busy flirting with Thorn, excitedly says,"Our mom met your dad at a party." To which Murtagh replies,"Don't say that Eragon, that's disgusting." Handing him a stack of invitations, Murtagh says,"They are for Arya, Roran & Katrina, Nasuada, Elva, Orrin, Orik, Queen Islanzadi, and Sloan." He also gives Eragon a blank invitation saying,"I was supposed to invite one of my friends, but I don't have any so here; you can invite whomever you wish."  
Hearing this, Eragon & Sapphira flew off to give out the invites. After delivering the specific ones, Eragon decides to give the unnamed letter to Vanir. Walking over to Vanir, he says,"Here, we're all invited to Galbatorix's birthday party, and if he were to try and kill us, you can be first." Smiling deviously, Eragon hands over the letter to Vanir.  
"That's, uh, great Eragon. I'll be sure to remember those kind words." Vanir says quickly, and walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

A few hours later, one of Galbatorix's guards comes running through the hall into his throne room, and shouts,"They're here, your majesty!"  
Jumping up and down like a little boy, Galbatorix shrieks,"Send them in! It's present time!"  
Minutes later, they were all sitting at a table, waiting. Galbatorix stood up,"Thank you all for coming, to your king's birthday!" _Silence..._  
"Yes, well, now I shall open my gifts and then we shall feast! Who wants to give me their present first?"  
Sloan ectasticly jumps up from his seat, waving his arms about,"OOO pick me! Pick me!"  
"Yes, you over there, the spaz. Bring your gift to me."  
Sloan proudly approaches Galbatorix, with a package wrapped in meat wrapping paper, under one arm, and plunks it down in front of him. "Thanks...I think." Galbatorix says. He gingerly unwraps the so called 'present'. Up out of the wrapping paper, he lifts up a dirty, old bathrobe, that looks as if it has never been washed.  
"It was my prized possesion, and guess what? It's never been washed!" Sloan smiles contently.  
Galbatorix calls his guards and says,"Take this to the other room with you...And burn it!" He whispers. "Next?"  
"Me I guess." Orik says unsure of himself.  
"Alright bring it to me! Better not be another bathrobe." He mumbles.  
Having sharp hearing, Orik says,"No even better! It's a most revered possesion to us dwarves, a rock!"  
"That's just great. I've never owned a rock before! Even though I practically own all Alagaesia." Galbatorix says sarcasticly.  
"Your welcome." Orik says, walking away.  
"Okay who wants to be next? How about you, Arya, you look as if you brought something other than a bathrobe and a rock." Galbatorix says impatiently. Arya throws a box across the table at Galbatorix. "Thank you. You're very kind." Galbatorix retorts. He starts opening the box,& there on a wooden platter, was Durza's head, preserved. Galbatorix, in shock, says,"Guards, take this into the other room, and make sure it goes where you're putting Sloan's, wonderful gift. Okay ne-" Galbatorix was cut off by Orrin, who already stood beside him with a gift. Orrin hands him the present & runs back to his chair to watch. Silently, Galbatorix opens the package. "Ah, another sword to my collection. I'll leave it here on this shelf to admire its beauty." He places it on the shelf on the other side of the room. But before he could say anything else, Elva darts over and kisses him.  
"You can be my new boy friend!" Elva says happily, and winks.  
"I like bald men." She addingly whispers.  
"Uhhh, next." He responds anxiously.  
"Your gift from me is Queen Islanzadi." Nasuada states, from across the room.  
"Sorry, I don't like bald men. You still have Elva, though." Islanzadi says referringly.  
"Alright, it's our turn!" Eragon interrupted.  
"Here's a little song my best enemies & I are gonna sing, an inspiration from us,(Vanir, Eragon, and I)called, 'Being Mean'." Murtagh announces.  
Singing together they started to sing:  
_"Galbatorix he's so mean,  
he doesn't even like to eat no beans!"_  
Eragon elbows Vanir in the stomache,& tries to step up for a solo, but Murtagh viciously jerks him back,& immediately keeps singing, so Eragon & Vanir quickly join in.  
_"His eyesight is so keen, but  
guess whose toilet isn't clean-  
And he has even been seen,  
kissing the queen!"_  
Galbatorix and Queen Islanzadi both blush furiously, and Arya gasps,"Mother!"  
_"Go Galbatorix! Go, go, Galbatorix!"_  
Finishing with that cheer, all three of them took a bow,& while doing so, Vanir trips & all of them fall to the floor. They get back up, & rush to their seats. Everybody claps except Galbatorix & Islanzadi. Suddenly for a moment it got silent.  
"Feast time!" Galbatorix bursts out, causing everyone to fall out of their seat. Guards lined up in a fashionable order, went around to each individual passing out dishes. Once they were all passed out, they all began stuffing themselves. Sloan, being as hungry as he was, was eating at an incredibly fast rate. A short while later, all the food & wine had been consumed. Apparently having had too much wine, they were delerious. 


	3. Chapter 3

"I have an idea!" Galbatorix says, drunkenly.  
"What?" the group asked.  
"We should resurrect Brom, my dead little fellow, back to life!"  
Everyone was drunk, so they all clapped their hands and cheered loudly.  
"We must all get in a circle, and say,'Brom, oh old man Brom, come back to party!" The ruler said with an obnoxious tone.  
"Brom, oh old man Brom, come back to party!" They all screamed. They waited a few moments, & suddenly, in a blinding flash, there stood Brom in the middle of the circle. (Don't ask how it happened)  
"Brom my friend!" Galbatorix said, rushing to Brom.  
_They must be drunk. Brom thought._

"Come, come and sit with us Brom." Eragon said, as he led Brom to the table. "Your seat, ma'am." Eragon said, tripping over the chair.  
Once they were all seated, Galbatorix suddenly rose to his feet & shouted, "More wine!" Guards filled all the cups & left the room. Sloan, being extremely drunk, grabs his cup, and chucks it at Galbatorix. "Bloody freak!" It happened to hit right on target, hitting his head.  
"What in all Alagaesia did you just throw at my extremely pleasant, chrome, bald head?" Galbatorix questions, standing up.  
Then Eragon randomly exclaims,"Bald!" Falling out of his chair. Galbatorix, drunkenly mad, sees Katrina, grabs the sword he had received from Orrin, and with it, stabs Katrina. Katrina, before dying, suddenly slits Murtagh's throat. Murtagh, obviously drunk, lunges forward to Thorn, & strikes his heart, before dying. Thorn, quickly dying, mistakes Sapphira for a large piece of meat, & burns her badly. Sapphira, seeing Arya closest to her, thinks she is Glaedr, & digs her talons into her. Looking towards Eragon, Arya mistakes him for Durza, & shoots him in the throat with an arrow. Eragon, seeing Brom, tries to kill him, but can't because Brom is a ghost. Brom, wanting to continue the fun, unsheaths Undbitr, & stabs Roran's stomache multiple times. Roran, in his dying throes, sees Nasuada, & thinking she is a raaz'ac, bashes her skull with his hammer. Not thinking, Nasuada sees Orrin, takes out her dagger, & runs it through his heart. Orrin seeing Orik, thinks he is Nasuada's ex-lover, & strangles him to death. Choking on his own blood, Orik sees Queen Islanzadi, sees her wearing the color grey, & thinking she is an urgal of some kind, thrusts his sword into her. Seeing Elva, & always thinking she was creepy, Islanzadi kills her with magic. Elva, taking her final breath, sees Vanir, her long ago crush, whom she hates for rejecting her, & swings a rope around his neck, & chokes him. Seeing Shruikan, & thinking it's Eragon, Vanir yells out,"Die demon!" & slices Shruikan's head off. Shruikan, sensing Galbatorix, & always hating him for killing his rider, flaps his wings like a chicken with its head chopped off, flings Galbatorix into the wall, & in the process, breaking the king's neck. Galbatorix, unable to move, sees Sloan, the one who started all this, & uses magic to crush Sloan's heart from the inside. Then Sloan lay there among the dead, & before dying mutters,"I knew I should have got him that rocking chair." and dies. So then Brom, having nothing better to do, loudly farts & rockets off to a galaxy far, far away...  
The End.


End file.
